HAY, LIFE !
(a.k.a. There's Something About 30)
As i'm writing this, it's early morning and i'm on a beachfront,
feeling cornered by the sea. I'm ipod-plugged, laptop-wired,
nature-inspired. Sporadic waves sputter, dogs wander about sniffing
sand, the wind oscillates yet eventually calms down. There's this
kid, she's running mindlessly across the shoreline, and unlike most
(if not practically all) grown-ups i know, she's not running like
she's racing against time. She's running because – well, let me put it
this way -- she's running because she's just running.
I guess this is as best place as any – a personal sanctuary -- to
spend my last day before i greet the fkkking big 3-0. It feels like a
reverse prison sentence, this age point no longer landing on the line
of 2. I know i'm making more out of it than it should really be – i
mean, what the hell does age mean anyway? It's just a freaking number
after all. But my blood feels richer than it used to be, my spirit's
beautifully heavier than it used to be, my head's lighter in places
that it shouldn't be, and my libido – well, let's just not go there.
Bwahahaha ... *wink*.
And so i'm here. And it's frustratingly hard to actually posit where
"here" is. Or what it even remotely feels like. And so i try to hide
in shadows and mirrors and metaphors, a writer's cop-out if you will.
And all i glimpse is water. Fluid, boundless water. Water that drowns
as much as it cleanses, engulfs as much as it embraces, calms spirits
as much as it creates chaos. Water.
---
I had a relatively weird experience the other week. I had a meeting in
a coffee place somewhere in greenhills, my first time to go there
after several months. And i couldn't explain it, but i just felt
downed.
It took me awhile to realize, but that place had negative mojo for me.
When i resigned over a year ago to try my luck out on my own, that was
the place that i would crash. It was around that time that we didn't
really have an office yet, and so it became my little nook in the
universe. Our schedule wasn't exactly brimming with appointments and
to do's. I distinctly remember that there were days that i would just
stay (more like hide) there the whole day - most especially from the
world - 'cause i was afraid that people would think that i was just
really a bum.
And i vividly remember what kept me going during those days, the
emotion and reason still crystal. It was nothing else but the
absolutely stubborn belief ... that i'd get to this point where i am
in now. The absolutely stubborn belief that i'd get to this point
where i am in now.
And where i am now is several steps beyond in-between. The time for
thinking about what to do with my life has long passed, the shaky
starting-out jitters jarringly cleared, this life transition finally
in full gradient. It's making-it-happen time.
And if there's one thing amongst the litany of things i've put on my
plate that i'm dead-set on seeing through (with unimaginably the best
partners in the world), just please check out http://www.hapinoy.com.
It's a dream slowly coming into its own reality.
---
I saw this new ad i really love, and its for Arcelor Mittal, the steel
company. It's a picture of two similar images of people from different
perspectives. One guy is staring at the moon. The other image is a guy
in a spacesuit on the moon, staring back at the earth. The tagline
goes, "Boldness changes everything."
And so as i hit the big fkking 3-0 i realize THAT'S IT. THAT'S FKKKN' " IT".
I'M NOT OLDER. I'M BOLDER.
I have a passion project right now, and it's called "The WhyNot? Forum
: Inspiring Filipino Ingenuity". It's actually bloody simple : (7)
ingenious Filipinos, (15) minutes each – sharing their ideas,
passions, dreams (inspired by www.TED.com). As i was trying to capture
the spirit of the forum, trying to distil what it was that made the
speakers' lives so meaningful that they HAVE TO BE SHARED with the
rest of the world, the following line sort of wrote itself : "Think
New Thoughts. Share Big Dreams. Do Brave Things."
And so as i reach the big 3-0, i've decided i will embrace that
spirit. The WhyNot? Spirit. Of limitless possibilities, bold thinking,
the "going for it" imperative. More than anything, I've reached a
stage that i've run out of excuses not to make a big difference. More
than anything, it just wouldn't do justice to this wonderfully
beautiful gift of life -- if it wasn't used for life itself.
I'm fkkkn' 30! And truthfully, absolutely, positively – a bold new
chapter in my life has just begun.
+AMDG
Mark Joaquin Ruiz
September 16, 2007
La Union
